Stuff You Should Watch
My favorite documentaries for your dissociative pleasure.
Ok so things are very much not normal right now. There are a lot of big emotions to process and people yelling at each other on Instagram. I skipped last week’s letter because it all felt too heavy. But here we are, back in the saddle. In the form of this humble newsletter, I’m here to whisk you away for a brief, sweet escape. Protect your peace. Be nice to each other. The horrors persist, babes.
First, a special shout out and heartfelt thank you to the woman on TikTok who accidentally swallowed her airpod thinking it was a large vitamin. She claims she had both the vitamin and the air pod jingling around in her pocket, wasn’t paying attention, and boom, Airpod down the hatch. This woman must be protected at all costs—she is a national treasure, and the comment section on her video single handedly reminded me what joy feels like. Apparently the Airpod stayed for two days inside her stomach. Cheap thrills, indeed.
I normally cringe when people say that who you marry is the single, most important decision of your life…no pressure. But last night as Dylan and I lay awake trying to find something–anything–to watch, I realized it was true, choosing your life partner is crucial, particularly when it comes to choosing what to watch, which is, let’s face it, how we modern humans spend a ginourmous chunk of our lives (God bless).
Between you and me, my taste in TV and movie choices is a tad…limited? One of my many charming quirks is that I find unwavering joy and comfort in watching the same thing over and over again. You can blame it on any of my smorgasbord of mental illnesses, take your pick. I’ve seen Gone Girl 57000 times, and my go-to google search is ‘true crime documentaries like ‘There’s Something Wrong With Aunt Diane’ because I firmly believe in fearing for your life before you fall asleep. I don’t like dusty movies, i.e. True Grit, because they make me feel dehydrated, and I don’t like movies in other languages because I can’t pay attention long enough to read the subtitles. I’m out like a light within the first five minutes of any movie that has a British accent, and I categorically refuse to watch movies I’ve arbitrarily deemed are ‘for boys’ i.e. The ‘Bourne’ series or anything with Clint Eastwood.
Dylan, on the other hand, is a living embodiment of open mindedness and he approaches every tv and movie choice with the following unshakable philosophy: “someone must have liked it enough to make it.” It’s worth noting that these contrasting approaches to entertainment also mirror our general outlook on social interactions. Dylan is the Ellis Island of friends. He will take your tired, your hungry, your huddled masses. He’ll attentively listen to the most boring story, enthusiastically ask how your daughter’s clarinet recital went, he’s genuinely interested in people that most (me) would (should) avoid at all costs.
Most nights go like this: he meticulously combs through lists of Academy Award-winning movies, and I weave a web of deceit by claiming to have seen all the options he suggests–“oh my god you don't remember? we saw that last year!” (We most definitely did not). Then, with a sigh of defeat, he hands me the remote, and I spend the next hour watching TikTok videos in which people excitedly recommend their most suspenseful, psychological thrillers–most of which receive a solid 54% on Rotten Tomatoes. By the time we finally pick something we’re both exhausted and never make it to the end.
Even though it appears we’re doomed to spend the rest of our life only making it twenty five minutes into a movie, I’m grateful that Dylan meets my pickiness with ease. Even though he technically has veto power, he’ll still let me choose the Fire Festival documentary for the 91st time. What can I say? There’s something soothing about watching Billy McFarland try to string sentences together. My one issue is that he usually falls asleep later than I do, so when we start watching something and I inevitably fall asleep, he keeps watching. Then he has the audacity to tell me I need to watch what I missed before he gets home so we can continue our shared viewing experience. The man is issuing homework assignments in our own house! Satan!
But in all fairness, he knows the ‘Real Housewives’ universe better than most Bravoholics, he can recite Teresa Guidice’s daughter’s names, and he’s seen every nanosecond of ‘Vanderpump Rules’. I, in return, transform into a human emoji with crossed eyes when he turns a football game on. Give and take, baby.
ANYWAY, on the off chance this might help you and your partner decide what to watch before 11pm, here is a list of some of my favorite documentaries to watch for your dissociative pleasure. Be warned, I’m a twisted soul, so most of these are not what you’d file under ~feel good~ options.
There’s Something Wrong With Aunt Diane (the aforementioned great)
The Woman Who Wasn’t There (trigger warning: 9/11 content)
Dear Zachary
Fyre Festival (The Netflix one)
Operation Varsity Blues: The College Admission Scandal
I Love You, Now Die
Abducted In Plain Sight
Mommy Dead And Dearest
Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez
Allen v. Farrow
Long Shot
The Staircase
Surviving R. Kelly
Buckle up for next week’s letter. Since it’s spooky season, we’re nose diving into hair-raising tales of friendship breakups and what I’ve titled ‘The Awkward Phase of Friendship’.
Love to love you,
Jade